Dirk Jones is NOT the Chosen One

Dirk wants to be treated as non-binary, but they’re having a hard time persuading their parents not to call them ‘he/him’. Dirk is having a quiet coffee in a café when they are joined by Seren, who is from another realm, but trying to blend in and to find the Chosen One who could save a situation; she says it might as well be Dirk, or it might not. Unfortunately, someone who is listening only hears ‘Chosen One’, without the ’not’, and things get complicated. While in the toilet, Dirk overhears two agents, Wormwood and Buzzard, bickering hilariously, but mentioning ‘mal-realmers’ as Seren had. When Dirk reacts, they are discovered, carted off to the secret base and made to wear a boiler suit that they are sure someone died in. There they meet many more characters, who all think Dirk is the Chosen One and treat them accordingly.

Dirk is more concerned about telling people that they’re non-binary, but they are really quite resourceful, and enjoy helping in the kitchen and tidying files for the boss, Atticus, until they become part of the team, and they are much happier than being at home, until Violent Jack appears out of their bedroom wardrobe.  Sworn to secrecy, Dirk is torn between the wish to escape with Jack and the wish to stay, and, on enquiring discreetly, they are told that it is not possible for anyone to get in past all the security.  Then Dirk’s only friend Mickey, chains on her trousers jingling, manages to find the secret base and joins in. Concerned, Dirk asks if she’s having fun, and Micky replies that ‘running around and talking about killer demons and stuff is… the most fun I’ve had…’. It is indeed tremendously entertaining, and Dirk’s strategy ensures that the showdown is resolved dramatically in a very exciting climax: their life will be very different in future.

Set in Llandudno and the surrounding area, there is some use of Welsh language, as Gatlin Perrin, also non-binary, is fom North Wales, but the meaning is always made clear. The characters – not all of them actual people – are fantastic in both senses of the word, especially Wormwood and Buzzard, who prove they don’t bungle when it really matters, and Atticus, whom Mickey calls Suit Man. This is a hugely enjoyable and original story, so different from the books where a child has, or grows into, special powers: Dirk may not be the Chosen One, but their ordinary skills are enough to enable them to win through.